In order to derive full benefit from the following, you will first need a brief geography lesson, so pay attention.

The Centre for Complementary Care is set well back from the A595 – the main road that runs up the west coast of Cumbria.

To be absolutely precise, it’s set on a bad corner on the A595. By “bad” I mean the sort that should have large signs on the approach saying “Lethal corner ahead. Engage low gear and brain. Danger of death. Really, really seriously adverse camber. Steep hill. Slow down now. I SAID NOW!!!“

Coming from the south, which most tourists do, it’s a sudden, sharp downhill turn to the left with a camber that pitches you out into the middle of the road.

Even out of season I sit my office, listen to wildly squealing brakes and pray that the sound isn’t followed by the sickening crunch of car bodywork impacting with either a stone wall or – worse – more car bodywork.

This morning, it’s been a succession of screaming brakes and blaring car horns. The sun is out. The tourists are swarming all over the Lake District and a substantial proportion of them are apparently intent on terminating their foolish lives — and those of their families – - at the bottom of our driveway.

Look people – do me a favour. When you seen a road sign telling you there’s a bad corner ahead on the approach to Muncaster Castle, will you PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO IT!? It takes a minimum of 30 minutes to get an ambulance to us and although my first aid kit is quite impressive there’s a limit to what even I can do for a ruptured spleen and a broken neck.

In addition to which, I get really irritated when I have to go down and find out what the crunching, splintering sound was. You absolutely don’t want my majorly pissed-off self to be your last earthly memory. Trust me on this.